Some Topics I Would Like Taylor Swift To Address In Song

Taylor Swift 1989

Another week, another new single off of 1989, this one about T. Swizz’s new true love: New York City. But there are already so many songs about New York City! It’s like, usually Taylor Swift’s songs are my heart’s feelings in song form, but this time my heart is like I GET it, Taylor, IT’S BEEN DONE BEFORE. Obviously Taylor Swift possesses a lyrical talent to rival the greatest songwriters of our time, so here are a few humble suggestions for some of the things Taylor could write about for her next album.

  • Usually when I go out into the world I try wear clothing I didn’t sleep in and maybe even a sweep of mascara (of course, Taylor is always much more polished than my slobby self but no duh, she’s a goddess). Every now and then, though, I slip up! Like I wear a completely unflattering groutfit and it is always, always, ALWAYS on these occasions that I run into a human whom I find to be attractive and it’s the worst. Now, I know Taylor wouldn’t be caught dead in a giant gray tee emblazoned with “Vail Spring Break 2010,” but maybe every now and then she has a hair out of place and then what do you know there’s Harry Styles?
    Sample lyrics: “I bumped into you today / I really wish I hadn’t / ‘Cause right before I saw you / I spilled coffee on my jacket”
  • I think there might be literally nothing worse than burnt popcorn, so long as we’re taking war and suffering out of the equation. It smells terrible, it tastes awful, and worst of all, you just spent two minutes standing in front of your microwave trying to prevent this very situation. Why can’t microwave companies just make a popcorn button that works?! I’m sure Taylor knows what I’m talking about.
    Sample lyrics: “How come my popcorn always gets burnt / It’s such a problem I wish that it weren’t / It just makes me feel so blue / Haven’t felt this bad since I broke up with you”
  • I’m pretty sure the way weekends work is that there is either nothing going on when you really feel like partying, or there are eight commitments that you have and you just want to watch Netflix. Supwitdat?? I’m sure singing along to a Taylor Swift song would make this issue more bearable.
    Sample lyrics: “I have too many parties to go to / And I just want to watch SVU / And I really don’t know what to do / I’m still so brokenhearted over you”

So please, Taylor, as you’re gearing up for your next album, think about us normals and the songs we need and deserve to make it through the daily slog.

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I Owe My Longest Relationship to Craigslist

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I celebrated a milestone recently: for an entire year, I lived with the same person.

This is no small feat. Until now, I haven’t lived with anyone longer than 6 months. It’s not because we didn’t get along; that was actually the problem. My past roommates have been close friends who I saw constantly. When we weren’t in our shared space, we were eating together, drinking together, shopping together, taking vacations, playing mini golf, making questionable life choices…together. Familiarity breeds contempt.

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Let’s Get Superficial: Mineral Foundation

Between DD cream and concealer sticks, it seems like there a million and counting options out there for facial make-up. New isn’t always better and, like a red lipstick, any good beauty cabinet needs a good mineral foundation.

Excellent for the adjustable, on-the-go coverage they provide, mineral foundations are a beauty staple. With every product, everyone has their particular favorite and, after various attempts with Bare Minerals and too many others, I’ve finally settled on Jane Iredale’s PurePressed Bare Mineral Foundation as my favorite powder.

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Let’s Get Superficial: SPF Hand Lotion

I hate the sun. It’s my number one nemesis (followed closely by the television line-up from 4 to 6 p.m.). Consequently, I’m rather obsessed with sunscreen and was super into my sun parasol when I went to Japan.

Why, sun, why?

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Global Coffee Shop Hops

IMG_4485Yes, amazing coffee shops do exists outside of New York! On tiny suburban streets in Kyoto and sub-level spaces in Amsterdam, some of the best coffee and atmospheres can be found. Here’s a round-up of a few noteworthy places from a recent trip taken, in no particular order. Continue reading

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